How To Take Self-Pleasuring To The Next Level

Before you have great sex with anyone else, it all starts with your relationship with your own sexuality and your body. Many of us, especially if we have partners, only focus on the intimacy between ourselves and our partner and forget that we first need to learn how to have an intimate relationship with ourselves. It is the foundation that everything else rests upon.

I’m very excited to cover today’s topic and it’s all about self-pleasuring. Yes, that’s another word for masturbating, but I love the term self-pleasuring a whole lot more.

I want to share with you some great tips and tricks that you can incorporate in your self-pleasuring practice to make things more juicy.

The Importance of Self-Pleasuring

Think of self-pleasuring as a laboratory or a classroom, where you have total freedom to experiment. You can try different things and see what you like and what you don’t like. Once you know that, it will be so much easier to communicate that to your partner.

Many of us go into sexual interactions with partners and lovers without knowing what it is that we want, what it is that we desire, what turns us on, what ways we like to be touched etc. By cultivating a devoted self-pleasuring practice and making that a priority in our lives, we can fine-tune what our sexual  blueprint is.

I like to think that our bodies are like musical instruments that we’re born with, but that most of us never take the time to learn how to play and to master. Self-pleasuring is the perfect place for you to start experimenting to unleash deeper pleasure in your body.

Self-Pleasuring and the Female Body

As women, we have so many pathways to pleasure in our bodies. It’s very common for us to get accustomed to one of them – the clitoral orgasm. For many, that’s their go-to self-pleasuring method for a quick release at the end of the day. It’s familiar, and therefore so easy to go for the most intense one – a few minutes of pleasure, an explosive release at the end, and then we turn around and fall asleep.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but there is a whole world of pleasure that we can experience as women and a whole range of orgasms which go way beyond just clitoral stimulation. Why not explore all of it? 

So here are my top tips:

1. Set an intention

Too often we engage in different things without bringing any awareness to them. Things become very habitual. Self-pleasuring is often just a routine to help us fall asleep or help with stress relief.

To take the whole experience of self-pleasuring to a new level, it’s important to set an intention.

Before you do anything, close your eyes, tune into yourselves and set an intention. There is no right or wrong here. Your intention could be to feel pleasure in your body or it could be to explore your body beyond the familiar. It could be to let go, surrender, to open up, heal, or whatever you want to call it in that very moment.

2. Start by sensitizing your entire body

It is very common for us to go straight to our genitals whether it is while self-pleasuring or when we’re being intimate with a partner. A thorough sexual experience is not just about the genitals – it actually runs throughout the whole body. Our very being is sexual and especially for women – we tend to work from the outside in, so it’s worth keeping that in mind.

Before you rush over to your most sensitive area, make sure to first sensitize your whole body. It is so sensual!

First, you can start to awaken your body with breathing. Consciously take a few deep belly breaths, feeling the breath go all the way into your belly and even to your pelvic floor. When exhaling – release fully and let all the air come out. And then again, when you take a breath, make sure to fill your entire body, your entire being with that life force energy.

The second way to sensitize your whole body is through the magical sense of touch. Caress and touch your entire body, but make sure to take your time – don’t rush it. Your goal is to awaken the sensation.

What I like to do is to involve all of my senses after doing this for a while. Too often we only focus on one of our senses, forgetting the rest. Awaken your senses of smell – what scents do you feel in the air? Involve your sense of sight – you can look at your body while touching it and it can be such an erotic experience. Tune into your environment and heighten your perception of all five senses!

3. Combine touching various parts of your body

For women, breasts play a very special role in the act of self-pleasuring.

In Tantra, a woman’s breasts are seen as the emissive aspect of her heart chakra. By simulating the breasts, we are indirectly opening our heart chakra which is this place of unconditional love, compassion, and nurturing.

And on a more scientific level, what’s happening in our body’s physiology when we’re massaging our breasts is that we’re releasing oxytocin which is often called the love hormone. Oxytocin is beneficial to our sexual life because it helps us to relax, feel safe, go into deep states of arousal which in turn can lead to strong orgasms.

Interestingly, our breasts activate the same nerve cortex in the brain as our genitals. When we stimulate our breasts, we’re indirectly also starting to activate our genitals without actually touching them yet. It’s a great transition point.

Once you feel like the energy is starting to awaken and you start to feel some pleasant sensations in your genitals, you can slowly start to explore further.

I encourage you, especially the first few times – be open and curious, instead of having a goal of reaching an orgasm. Explore your entire sexual anatomy! You can explore your clitoris, your inner and outer lips, which are also filled with nerve endings. Massage around the entrance of your vagina and once you feel ready after about 20 or so minutes of stimulation, move internally.

It is common for women to stay mostly on the outside part of their vulva, but actually going inside of your vagina is also beautiful because we have a lot of erogenous zones inside. You can explore the upper wall close to your belly button, you can also explore the lower wall closest to your back. Try to find your cervix at the end of your vaginal canal and make small circles and approach it with this very curious mindset, not trying to reach an orgasm, but just stimulating all these different areas for a few minutes and seeing what happens in your body.

It can be fun to combine different areas, too. Combine your breasts with your clitoris or your clitoris with stimulating your G-spot. You could gently caress your cervix while massaging your clitoris externally. This is where you can get creative.

Remember that every single moment of pleasure is a gateway to orgasm. Ask yourself in every moment when you feel pleasure in your body, how can I let go more, how can I melt into this feeling of pleasure?

I hope that this was helpful for you and I encourage you to do it a few times and get creative instead of going for your habitual pattern. Discover what works for you! Then you can also communicate that with your intimate partners.